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theextraordinarydaisy1

    Family, Travel

    The Sling Diaries Volume VII: Kinship

    November 29, 2017
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    I can still feel the heat, the way it wrapped itself around me like a thick blanket, the sun so bright it gave me squinty eye lines and tickled my nose with freckles. And I can still hear the late night Afro beats- it made even the shyest dance till the early morning hours. But what I can remember most, what I am still trying to recreate back in the States, is community. Relationships, kinships, friends and family. I am married to a Ghanaian man. I have three husbands and their wives are my rivals. Their children are also my children and my daughter belongs to them as well. Kinship in Ghana is far different than the family culture we are used to in the States. The USA is more of an individualistic society, while Ghana thrives on community. Its deep traditions are not always practiced in modern times, but they remain a reminder of the extended family bond and that we are all for each other.       

                                                                     

    So while although my husband’s brothers do not actually play the role of a husband in my life, nor are my sister-in-laws truly my rivals, we still do share a different family bond, a closeness that is rooted in traditions and a communal way of survival.

    When I lived in Ghana, I lived in a multi-family home. There were constantly people around, at least 15 children from newborn to teen and about four different families. Many children were living with their Grandmothers while the parents were out working in neighboring towns, another normalcy in Ghana. Some children lived with their aunty and uncles, whoever in the family was financially well enough to send the kids to school.

    I never had a moment of peace and quiet when I lived in Ghana- constantly surrounded while I tried to sit and read, wash my clothes or eat breakfast. Sometimes I loved it. Other times I would have just burst. But I find myself, as I sit in my cute little individual family home, just us, surrounded by other families in their own homes, just them, longing for that community.

    The community in Ghana has taught me a great deal of what I hope for while I raise my family. I try and channel the closeness of Ghanaian families in how I treat others, how I open my home and how much alone time I spend. I have learned to say “yes” more when people ask for favors and to reach out in times of need.

    Sometimes living in the states I can feel a bit isolated but I still have hope and continue to search for my own little tribe of like minded mamas, asking ladies out on mom dates and stopping people with toddlers in the store. For it truly takes a village and if you don’t live in one, you gotta create your own.

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    Lifestyle

    How to keep culture alive at home

    October 23, 2017
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    Ghana- Filled with dance, loud music, spicy food and positivity. My life in Ghana as an American was an extraordinary experience. When I first arrived I lived on bananas, bread and uncertainty but as the weeks went by and I let go, the culture, the people, the food and the music opened my heart and my eyes. With my husband (then boyfriend) as my guide, I danced to Afro beats till 2am and spent afternoons with his family talking over an open fire, spicy peanut soup cooking.

     

    Now that we are in the States, I do what I can to keep his culture alive in our home. Below are a few ways we are doing our best to live a culturally diverse life.

    Food: Soup. Fufu. Stew. Rice. Repeat. Primarily in our house, we eat  Ghanaian style which typically is a soup or stew with a starch on the side. On Tuesday afternoon’s our house is filled with the smell of hot spicy chilis, peanut soup and ginger or spicy tomato stew; red palm oil dominating the air. We eat these meals with our hands and family style (all in one bowl), as you would in Ghana. Tip: try adding some spice to your cooking. Curry, Cumin and Smoked Paprika. My favorite: Egg Stew and Ga Kenke (fermented corn dough). Eric’s favorite: Banku (fermented corn and cassava dough) and whole fish. Aurelia’s favorite: Ground Nut soup and fufu (dough made from boiled cassava and plantain). 

    Music and dance: Music has the power to transform us, move us and bring us to a different world. In my house, music is almost as needed as food. Right now I am loving a French Cafe playlist on Spotify- it brings me to Paris as I sip my morning coffee. In the evening, it’s a choice between African Hip Life and Latin dance music as we cook. Ever tried stirring some boiling soup while shaking your hips to Shakira? If ever looking for an afternoon activity, put on some loud music from another land and DANCE! Our favorites: Nico and Vinz, Sarkodie, P-Square, Ladysmith Black Mombazo, Moana Soundtrack. 


    Language:  We speak a mixture of English and Fante (language of the Central Region in Ghana.) It’s incredibly important to us as parents that Aurelia embraces her Ghanaian culture and language. She is quickly picking it up and I am slowly introducing Spanish as well. I am not fluent, but I can hold a conversation and am teaching her word by word. Right now she can answer, “How are you?” in 3 languages, say hello in 5 and is on her way to being trilingual. Our tips: If you live in a bilingual home try and have one parents speak English and the other speak the other language. If you remain consistent than your child should pick up both languages. If you do not have a bilingual household, I welcome your advice and thoughts on this. Right now I am teaching Aurelia one word each day and repeating words that I know in English and following with the other languages. Example: Typically I ask her to say, Thank you. Gracias and Medase (Fante).

    @ammarheaphoto

     

    Travel is the most essential part of keeping our lives rich in culture. Check out the article on how we manage to travel on a small salary. When I travel, I love to dive into the culture and local scene. There is nothing quite like dancing in the streets of Riomaggiore or getting lost in the sea of trinkets at a market in the hills of Thailand. So, I have decided that while home,  one night a week, we will travel around the world and learn a new culture using food, music and language. Where should we visit first?

     

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    Travel

    5 more ways to spend less so you can travel more

    June 26, 2017
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    We buy less so we can travel more. We drive one car that cost us under $5,000, we buy what we need and we rarely go out to eat. It can be quite simple, but it is a lifestyle change.

    Sleeping in a tent in the Serengeti- tired after a long day searching for a cheetah; stuffing chocolate croissants from Paris in my carry on; the smell of hyacinth in the fields of the Netherlands- my priorities have never been to have more things, it’s always been to see more places. I’ve been able to save thousands of dollars on an entry-level salary while still paying my bills (cell phone, student loan, rent, utilities, groceries) and still traveling. In my twenties I would travel and come home with an empty bank account and a few tears but now that I have a family, a little bit of a cushion is a must.

     

    Here are some of my tips on how to spend less so you can travel more:

     

    1. Prioritize. What makes your heart soar? What luxuries do you need and what can you live without? For my family the answer is good food and travel. Those are the places we spend the majority of our money. Maybe for you it is going to the movies every week, having coffee out or buying the latest tech gadget. Whatever it may be, make a list of what your desires are and be honest. Once you have that list go back through and think, what could I cut out of this to save a little more money? It is okay if you want to buy a $4 coffee out, but maybe cut it down to once or twice a week. Pocket the extra cash in a jar or a savings account and watch it add up.
    2. Buy less stuff. Simple. While having a beautiful wardrobe is something I would love to have, it is not a priority for me. Buying a few staple pieces for your wardrobe that you will wear a lot is a great way to save money and also cut down on the “what the heck do I wear” issue. I would much rather be wearing my jeans that I have had since college while on an airplane on the way to a fabulous destination, than be on the ground with the latest threads and no travel plans.
    3. Meal plan and eat leftovers. I only have 3 mouths to feed at the moment so my grocery bill may not be as high as yours, but something that saves me the extra spending is meal planning. I go to the grocery store typically once a week with the occasional extra trip for a craving or something we ran out of, like bananas. Before you go to the store, create a list for the week of what you will cook and the ingredients for the recipes. Try and include everything you may need for a week’s time so that you don’t have to make a second or third trip. And don’t forget leftovers! I always up the recipe to include extras for lunch and dinner the next day. Hugeeee money saver. I love Minimalist Bakers recipes. Simple, easy, healthy.
    4. Look at the big things. Do you have a monthly car payment? Any credit card debt with huge interest? Do you have an expensive gym membership or are you spending tons on wine? When you write out your finances you may be surprised on where you are spending and that perhaps, it is an unnecessary expense. If you are driving the newest car and it’s costing you $300 a month plus the extra cost on insuring a new car, it really adds up. For my family, a huge car payment is a great place to cut cost. We have a Subaru that we love, is great in the winter, safe and reliable. Another idea is to look at your bills that have interest. It may be a good idea to take some savings, or save especially to pay off this bill. If you have high interest or interest at all, that is money that could be yours.
    5. Free money. Save your coins, cash in your bottles and keep track of your frequent flyer miles. My husband saves all of his change so he can buy shoes. He loves new shoes and every few months manages to save hundreds in coins alone. That is an expense that may have come out of our monthly income. And as far as frequent flyer miles, this is basically free travel! I flew from Ghana to Tanzania round trip on my built up miles. And you don’t have to do anything but travel to get those perks!

    In the end, the best thing for you to do is to write down your expenses and look at where you can cut costs. You will be shocked at the money you can save. Those little tiny savings add up to the trip of your dreams.

     

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    Family

    The story of our love

    May 11, 2017
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    ****

     As I drove from the airport in Accra, Ghana, the car windows were open letting in the intense heat and humidity of an African evening- the sky was so dark only lit by a few oil lamps, flash lights and the few who had generators. I knew taking a storytelling job with an anti-slavery organization in Ghana would change the course of my life but to what extent, I did not know.

     

    Eric and I met one and a half months into my trip. In my first weeks, I spent everyday interviewing for a book I was working on, at a local restaurant where Eric was a waiter. Eric had just left a job that he had for years and years, in search of a better life. I guess I was doing the same when I took the job in Ghana.

    Thousands of miles away from each other yet somehow we ended up at the same place at the exact same time. Just as he left his job for a new life I had packed my bags from NYC to Ghana in search of a new path and meaning.

    Everyday I looked forward to the interviews at the restaurant so I could see Eric. He had the brightest smile and his forehead wrinkled when he was concentrating. I would order a drink or food just so he had to walk over to our table and I could say hello. I was smitten.

    I left Ghana for a two week journey to Tanzania and thought of Eric daily.  While I sat bundled in blankets in the clouds, a view of Mount Kilimanjaro out my window,  I wrote in my journal that one day I would return with Eric at 35, married. We hadn’t even had our first date yet, but I knew.

    When I returned from Tanzania I had messages from Eric on my phone, eager to know when I was returning. When we met at the restaurant he wrapped his arms around me- my palms were sweaty, my heart thudding in my chest. And that was it.

    Eric use to ride his motorbike to my guesthouse every night after work. I could hear the roar of the bike as he approached. We would sit on the roof of a half built home on the compound, under millions of stars, the town pitch black from power outages and tell stories of our life. Eric would teach me to sing local songs and how to speak his language. 

    And then, I had to go home…

    After, skype calls, love letters and lots of immigration paper work, we married in a tiny chapel in my hometown.

    We welcomed our baby girl a year ago and we tell her stories of our love, her second home and family in Ghana and Eric teaches her to sing local Ghanaian songs. Before she could talk she was making noises in the beat of the drum from one of the songs. 

    And we still plan to visit Tanzania when we are 35 as I wrote in my journal. Some things are written even before we write it down ourselves.

    Photo credit:

    1. (selfie) 2. Jacquelene Amoquandoh 3. Dan Hall 4. friends of friends 5. my midwife 6. Amma Rhea 

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